Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
