he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
