does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
