i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
