omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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