So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
