downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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