Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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