I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
