We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
