Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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