So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
