i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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