Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
