I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
