Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
