did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
