it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
