in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
