I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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