You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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