Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
