Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
