First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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