I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
