Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
