need another drink. this is the easiest way
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My bed smells like the plague
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
