How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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