i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
