i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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