Will you blow on my dice?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
