You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
