Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
