I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
