so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
