Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
