i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
