the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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