Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
