Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
