Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
