if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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