just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
