so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
