toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
