i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
