do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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