Pants 0. Shit 1.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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