Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
