I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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