the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
vagina is talking i cant
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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