How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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