Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
